I've become APATHETIC.

Apathy is defined by Oxford dictionary as:

Ap-a-thy
1. Lack of interest or concern, especially regarding matters of general importance or appeal; indifference.
2. Lack of emotion or feeling; impassiveness.

My current state of affairs can most certainly be describe apathetic.

If one were to ask somebody that has personal knowledge of my character attributes to describe the kind of man I am, such inquires would yield a breadth of information that would be both extensive and complex. Becoming enlightened to the person that I am could be equated with attending a lecture on the structure of evolutionary theory. The point being its not an easy essay to digest.

Never in my entire life could I be described as an individual that is APATHETIC! I dislike typing that word even. The disdain that I harbor for people who nurture the nature of apathy within their own personhood is very profound. I am truly disgusted by the extent of people who do not care about social justice, equality, and intrusion upon personal liberties. Their accumulative apathy will be a catalyst to a downward spiral of self annihilation and their demise will impact everybody.

I devoted much of my time to charitable and non-profit organizations to combat the affects of apathy. I care very much for my fellow man and I strongly wish to safeguard every bodies rights to equality, justice, and personal liberties.

Apathy has been evolving within me and I've become disgusted with myself. I wish that I could give a damn about how other people are coping with their own ADHD, but I don't. I've become self absorbed and selfish about obtaining the tools needed to construct a foundation to support my rehabilitation. I only care about furthering my own endeavors and my pursuit to normality. All of the social causes that were once fundamentally important to me have dissipated into a cess pool of apathy. The vapidness that is developing within me is becoming more apparent and I have discovered that I do not care. My current self enlightenment should shock me into a realization that would ward off such a self indulgent existence. However I cannot discover the internal fortitude that I need to combat the sea of apathy that is growing within me.

My wife said that I need to be selfish, that I need to take care of me right now. She said that I am never going to get better if I do not take this time out for me. In my pursuit of happiness and normalcy I sincerely hope that I do not become the object of that which once disgusted me so profoundly. If I evolve into a man that is void of compassion, vapid, and lack genuine care for my fellow man, I'd rather remain the way that I have always been. I love my community and the brothers and sisters that I aligned myself with. The flame of compassion I once carried within me had encompassed nearly all of my personhood. I cannot lose that light, my flame, because it had defined me so thoroughly.

I do not know how to proceed from this point, because I genuinely don't care. All I care about right now is furthering my own goals and all of the endeavors that that entails.