Endure

I do not know what else I am supposed to do. More than anything else in this world I want the love and devotion of my children. I’ve done everything in my power to encourage that too. However with the lies and manipulation of their mother, she has encouraged nothing but resentment and discontent of me in my children. She will never let a chance slip by her when she has the opportunity to say everything negative about me that she can. No matter how minuscule and an unrelated to the topic at hand, if she can tell somebody that will listen, she will indulge them about what kind of piece of shit I am. Compounded with the fact that I am incapable of paying child support at this current juncture in my life only proves to feed her ever increasing hatred of me. Even when I am paying child support regularly she is never happy. My ex-wife is a person that thrives in an environment where she can be the catalyst of negativity. She possesses a personality that will never be content if she cannot cause turmoil. The more pain and resentment she can cause in people that she comes into contact with, the better she will feel. I am vexed as to why she insists on behaving in this manner.

My son at least is still willing to visit me, however I am sure what I’ll say when I see him Thursday, he will have a whole lot of questions. I am uncertain of how I am supposed to proceed from this point. I just wish that my ex-wife understood that I never planned any of this and the last thing that I ever wanted in my life was to be disabled. I wish that she could be positive and encourage my rehabilitation process, thus insuring her own future as well when I am capable of paying child support. Alas however that is what a reasonable would do and my ex-wife is a person that is far from being reasonable, and her only wish is to spread as much negativity about me that she can is capable of doing.