I AM NOT CRAZY! Really I'm not.

I had another appointment with DVR today and presented my vocational decision to my counselor. Both my psychiatrist and my DVR counselor feel that I have made a good decision. I have decided that because I am in excellent physical condition, I should probably take full of advantage of that fact. I decided that I am going to pursue a career as a physical fitness trainer. The credentials required to become a trainer are not that extensive. If my new brain serving me adequately I believe the certification process is only 6 months. I have interpersonal communication skills already. I am very comfortable talking to a large group of people, I am persuasive, I am extroverted and I know how to sell. Plus I am in the physically fit. Being physical fitness trainer would release me free from the confines of a desk and relieve me of the mental tasks required to be competent in that kind of environment.

Blogger yet again loads so damned slow. Youtube loads so much faster



What is going to happen next is that D.V.R wants me to be evaluated by their own psychologist. They want to be sure my disability is not so severe that I could not complete my training.. Which is very understandable I am just not overly excited about talking yet again to another doctor about my symptoms and the anguish I had to endure for the last 36 years.

I AM NOT CRAZY!

Really I am not going insane, I do not hear voices. I talked a little about how I have decided to give my AD/HD a personality. I am talking to him more now. Not like extended conversations. It’s more or less me telling him to shut up.

You see now that I am not having such a hard time focusing and concentrating, that void is being filled with negative thoughts. However these are not quiet, they’re loud inside my mind. The voice that I hear inside my mind is my own, when I have negative thoughts. It’s not an audible voice, its internal, inside my mind. I want to make that very clear

The other day when I was going to DVR there is this rather long hill. I was going up the hill with little effort and I was feeling good. There was a time when I would never have been capable of achieving such athleticism. Any AD/HD spoke up inside my head and said ‘see Shane, I gave this to you. Why do you want to get rid of me?” I ignored the thought and just kept riding. The question was repeated, and I said shut up. Then AD/HD said no matter how hard you try, no matter how hard you work, I will always be with you until we die.

THEN THIS IS WHAT I THINK IS REALLY FUNNY. Are there any more imperfections that want to take up residency in mind?

Another voice came up to my mind and said. ‘Don’t forget me Shane, I am going to be with you too. FOREVER! It was my love handles. I am fit and thin now, but I will never be able to get rid of my love handles. I told my wife “Jen is like they are taunting me, making fun of me. See no matter how hard you work Shane, no mater how long you exercise. I will always be here.