I am returning to Buddhism again.

First let me start this blog journal entry off by stating that I am an ATHEIST. The word “atheist’ was all capitalized because I feel for the purposes of this post I establish right away my philosophical world view. I am very well educated to what that word “atheist” implies. Philosophy really is the art of thinking, and the word atheist simply means without a god or gods. I am not one of those atheists that are pissed off at my perception of god, or an angry ex-Christian. I’m also not one of those atheists that is undecided if there is a god or not. I can already see some of your mental gears and wheels turning in your heads. Yes it is true, I do not know if there are or is a Supreme Being that some people call God or Gods. I do not know if such an omnipotent and omniscience entity exists. “Well then Shane, mister know it all, that makes you an agnostic then. You’re not an atheist at all.” Like I said earlier in this paragraph I am knowledgeable to what the word “atheist” implies. I do not care whether or not a Supreme Being exists or not. This supposed all powerful entity or entities does not even do my laundry, pay my bills, or even cook for me. There is no evidence that a supernatural being has interjected or guided my existence in a divine what so ever. Because of those reasons I am left with the conclusion that there is no God or Gods. Thus I do not offer my allegiance or my devotion to any God or Gods. So by definition of the word atheist “without a God or Gods” I can be considered an atheist.

Now that that is out of the way let me get to topic of this thread.

The books that helped me the most are not necessarily self help books. The books I read are mostly philosophical in nature and science books. Books like Frederich Nietzsche, The Genealogy of Morals and Charles Darwin The Origin of Species and The Descent of Man. I read more contemporary science books as well. Authors like Stephen Jay Gould, The Structure of Evolutionary Theory, Ian Tattersal, The Fossil Trail, and Robert Broom, Getting Here. I also like reading about what our great American forefathers had to say so I read the memoirs of Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, and Benjamin Franklin. When I want something a little more on the lighter side I like to read science fiction. My favorite novels are Frank Herbert’s, Dune, Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451, and Philip K Dick, Do Androids Dream of Electric sheep. All of those books have philosophical messages that the reader can really gain insight from about life in general.

Because I had suffered from a very poor self esteem I felt a profound need to expand upon my knowledge. I completed reading philosophical books like The Genealogy of Morals and The Art of War. Next I added science books to personal library and when I finished reading them I had learned a lot, and yet I was also left with what seemed to me like very profound questions. So it was at that juncture in my life that I felt an uncontrollable need to discover what my place in this world was. Who are we? Why are we the only sentient species inhabiting this third rock from the sun ? What is our purpose in life? What is life all about? Why are we here?

I wanted to become more intelligent because I drastically needed to build upon my self image. However at that point in my life the quest that I had embarked upon seemed to like it had ended at an impasse. I arrived at an intellectual fork in the road. One road would yield more knowledge and education that I desired but it did not even attempt to answer the more interesting questions I had. Then there was other road that did offer some explanations to the inquiries I had at that time. However these supposed solutions were purely speculative, hardly even hypothetical in nature, and in no way based in real science or research.

Let me set another record straight that I am a huge skeptic. I do not accept something as a fact until that which is in question can be empirically confirmed. If claims cannot be verified by scientific research I do not place my confident s or trust in them.

So I decided that the questions I needed answered may be found metaphysical philosophy. Siddhartha, the founding father of modern day Buddhism said a lot of very fascinating things. He taught the Eight Fold Path and the Four Noble Truths. Learning the philosophy of the Buddha offered me a way of thinking, and more importantly a way of life. Buddha espoused that all of us, everything in this world, and even our galaxy is transitory. Because all sentient beings and all things have a temporary nature, it is imperative that their time be spent maximizing their existence. Simply stated, this is the only life we're ever going to have, so you better make the best of it.

Buddhism enriched my life and gave me purpose. Becoming a pupil of the Buddha offered solutions to all of those very interesting questions that we all have. My purpose in life is to be the best me that I can possibly be. I learned that practicing acts of compassion we not only help those we're assisting we ultimately end up enriching our own lives. Mankind should not be charitable towards our fellow man for promises of rewards; instead men and women should assist one another for goodness sake alone. That act of kindness would then leave the benefactor free of debt and allow them to have the capacity to repeat the same process to those who are in need as well.

At one point in my life those were my reading habits and what I had learned, and that is how my life was enriched. It was at that time that I started attending a monastery and I became pupil of the philosophy of the Buddha. I took refuge in the Buddha and Sangha and according Buddhism I was considered a Buddhist. I devoted my life to the teachings of the Buddha and it was not until I acted upon the knowledge that I gained that I acquired an education about my purpose in life.

Last night my wife and I went to the grocery store to get dinner. While we were leaving I saw these statuettes of the Buddha in the garden center. Well actually they were not the Buddha, they were Hoatia. They laughing fat guy most people associate as the Buddha is not Siddartha. That is not important right now for the purpose of this entry. I commented to Jen that I liked those figurines and that I wanted one of them. It was while we were going down the elevator that remembered everything that Buddhist philosophy did for me. How Buddhism both enriched and enhanced my life. It occurred to me that that way of living must be a lifestyle choice for me again. I knew how was going to recover from the devastation that AD/HD caused in my life. I am so confident in my decision that not following through with my plans will never be a viable option. The tools Buddhist philosophy can offer me are going will play an intricate role in my rehabilitation. I feel a PROFOUND need to return Buddhism. I believe that this is going to be a FUNDAMENTALLY important to my recovery and ultimately my rehabilitation. My mind is made up, I am going to do this.

When I was at a very unhappy point in my life, I was also the most at peace. I was working in a warehouse that I profoundly disliked. I had to get up at 4:15 AM so that I may catch the bus and start my commute. After spending two hours on two separate busses, I would then walk two miles just to get to work. Then while I was working I had to endure the abuse of my superior who was a very negative and unhappy woman. This person had no right being in the position of power over employees because she did not even know correct procedures while searching their personal belongings that she suspected of theft. One day she assumed that I had placed company property in my backpack and she proceeded to inspect my baggage in front of my entire department and coworkers.

I continued getting up in the early AM hours every day, I walked the two miles every day, and I did abide the horrible working conditions every day. I did all of that because to a certain degree that AD/HD would allow my mind was at peace. Buddhism offered me a way to not be at odds while engaged in an environment that was very negative. Buddhism empowered me; it allowed me to be in a peaceful state of mind. I need to return to that philosophy once again. I must go back to a way of living that can give me the tools needed to rehabilitate and gain control over all the dysfunction that AD/HD and my destructive habits caused.

I said earlier on in this blog that I am an atheist and that I am a huge skeptic. Those two facts have not changed at all. Buddhism does not make claims that a Supreme Being exists. Any demi-gods that Buddhism says exists are extensions of our own selves. Buddhism teaches that universal karmic law is a fact and that we all have had past lives. Perhaps karma is true and maybe I was a slug, duck, or the queen of Sheba in a past life. It would be wonderful to have the chance to eat chocolate again, have sex again, love the people closest to me again, and fall in love with my wife all over again. It is my fondest hopes and desires that everything that I just said above is all true. The word “hopes” does not mean “faith” the two words are the exact polar opposite from each other. I do not live my life by faith but by trust and confidence. I do not have faith that the ignition key on my vehicle will work because I conducted, observed, and repeated that process many time.

Everything, this whole entire long post is leading up to this moment. I AM GOING TO BECOME A BUDDHIST AGAIN! That does not mean I will wear robes. It does mean I am going to attend a monastery again. It does not mean I will shave my head, and if I do its not because I am a Buddhist. It does not mean I am no longer an atheist and it does not mean I am no longer a skeptic. It does mean I am returning to a way of life that brought me happiness, clarity, and peace of mind. I need this in my life now more than ever before.