DVR, starting vocational rehabilitation.

Hello friends.

As some of you may know I have been diagnosed with severe AD/HD and I am currently disabled. Today I had my 1st appointment with D.V.R (department of vocational rehabilitation). I believe that everything is very positive, I feel good about my counselor, and the direction which she guiding everything thus far.

All of the rehabilitation I am going to be undergoing won't do me much good if I cannot learn to manage my daily activities. I do not have basic life skills, I am incapable of surviving on my own right now. From the moment I got up in the morning in the mornings for 36 years, my mind has been assaulted with so many different thoughts and ideas. I was not able and I cannot filter or decipher the overwhelming amount of stimuli and information that my brain receives. For 36 years I've been reacting to impulsive behavior because for the most part I was incapable of thinking about consequences long enough to moderate my actions. So for 36 years I created dysfunction and chaos all around me. In the wake of all that insanity I never learned how to live, how to survive. I mean I never even learned how to wash my own clothes.

D.V.R is providing me with a Independent Living Counselor. This person is going to come to my home and, and...well. teach me how to live. I've already briefly met with this individual and I am very excited about finally learning how to live. The prospect of being educated on how to balance a check book and expenses, its all too much. I am very giddy about all of this. When I started take my medication I tried to sit down and write a schedule that I thought I could follow while I am rehabilitating. However though I am medicated, I just could not focus long enough to think of everything. Having somebody else who can help me achieve that task is going to be so wonderful.

I am also very upset and depressed, about all of this as well. I mean I am 36 years old, I do not have a career, and I am incapable of maintaining employment. In addition to not having a vocation or having capacity to keep a job. In the 36 years that I've been sentient and bipedal, in all that time I never once acquired basic life living skills. If I was left to my own devices tomorrow, I would not know how to survive.

If one word could sum up my existence right now, my personhood, my individuality, can be described as pathetic. I am the institution from which all other think-tanks derive their definition from for how pathetic something or someone is. I know how I must sound right now, and I apologize. If you can, try to imagine yourself as tremendously relieved and at the same time extremely depressed. To complicate things more add hope and excitement to that emotional gambit. I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster right now.

I've made my decision on what vocation i would like pursue, no it is not going to be art. However I am positive that I am making a good decision.

Shane